I lost my dog of 12 years almost 24 hours ago. Please HELP?

Lovin Life Asked: I lost my dog of 12 years almost 24 hours ago. Please HELP?

This is what is bothering me the most.Roxy, my dog (shepard/husky mix) bit my almost 3-year-old daughter a few days ago.My husband and I made the decision to put her down for obvious reasons.However, it was the hardest decision I think both of us have ever made up to this point in our lives.That's not even the hardest part though…

While at the vet's office, the vet tech asked if she needed to be muzzled.I told her no, because I assumed we were going to be with her the ENTIRE time (which is what we had discussed when we checked in), but she said she needed to take her to put the catheter in, and that she would be right back.Well when she returned with Roxy, Roxy was wearing a muzzle.The tech said that Roxy "wasn't happy" about the catheter.So Roxy was wearing this extremely tight muzzle and breathing so heavily out of her nose.She was shaking too.I completely lost it at that point (although I had been losing it non stop for days prior to that too knowing what was coming).So I'm sitting there on the floor with her, trying to calm her down and the vet is going over the "procedure."Finally, we pick her up onto the table and the vet removes the muzzle.My husband and I were right there, but it was too late.The calm atmosphere and feeling I prayed so hard for her to feel was gone.Her last 15 minutes of life were spent stressed out and scared and I don't know if I can EVER forgive myself for it.I told her how much I loved her over and over again as she passed in my arms, but I can't get the image of her in the muzzle, scared, out of my head.I am feeling so completely heartbroken.It's literally more than I feel like I can bear.I can't get the image out of my head.It's killing me.She was my baby girl.Before my husband and I started having kids, she was the baby.

Can someone give me any ideas on how I can heal this overwhelming pain?I've thought about calling my doctor and seeing about an anti-depressant to get me through this.I just can't get the image out of my head.

Thanks for listening.