My Cat died, How will I get over this?

frmmtsl Asked: My Cat died, How will I get over this?

I will start at the beginning. Going back July last year my little sister aged 10 was at her friends house and her grans cat was after having a litter of kittens. They were outside and she noticed that their dog had one of the kittens inside in its mouth throwing it up in the air, So she managed to get the kitten ( Was unharmed thankfully) and decided to bring it home as its mommy wasnt minding him and he was the runt of the litter. He was only about 4 weeks at this stage if even and was practically at deaths door. So Laura and my mam got syringes and started feeding him milkall night every hour and kept him warm. Few days past and it was my 1st time meeting the little guy and instantly I got attached , I felt this great closeness towards him. And he was ginger , and me personally does not like the colour ginger, its not that I hate its just that I wouldnt choose a cat with ginger as I am not gone in the colour. So his image had nothing to do with it , I just had to have him .. Yes I managed to take him with a lot of persuading!! This was only about 2 weeks later so he was only 6 weeks when I took him and he still needed to be minded al the time.
He started to get strong and healthy, I live in an apart with my partner so he was inside all of the time and of course litter trained. He used to cuddle in to me EVERY single night and sleep and he wouldnt get up out of the bed until I did. He also loved baths !! (Yes weird for a cat to like water) Anytime Id have a shower and if door was open he would try his best to come in !! He also loved going in the car , he would come and be calm and loved being with us . If I had to go somewhere he would cry at the door waiting for me I would get some chicken at my local take out and he would hear the sound of the bag and be waiting patiently for some. Anytime me and my partner would come home hed be straight up to greet us. He had such a great temperament , never once scratched us intentionally..I know all people probably say this about their animals but he was really one of a kind. Then only about two months ago I noticed his purring sounded weird and his walk started acting up , he wouldlose balance . and he had got bigger but I noticed he wasnt growing much after that… Then one night he started to choke , froth coming out of his mouth and was like he was in panic. I had no idea what was going on so I tried to calm him and rang emergency vet , He said that he thought he was a bit slow and it could be in the brain .. So I wanted another opinion so made an appointment for a different vet later that week. In the meantime he started having those fits again. I brought him to the other vet and he done xray and so on and he told me that he hada severe case of feline asthma and that he was very sick and it would be my decision to put him down , I fainted when he said this as I felt my heart break and passed out by the thought. I came around 5-10 mins later and went home. But the vet had gave us steroids for his lungs to see would the help.That day I pulled up every carpet in the flat because Its bas for people with asthma..Me unemployed !! And no money had to borrow off family for all vet fees as I was willing to try everything and wasnt given up on my baby !! A few days later he got an attack but this one was worse , He couldnt breathe , he was crying , hes mouth was gone blue and he was looking into my eyes with pain he also peed all over me and him with fright .I did mouth to mouth and kept him as calm as possible , I found one of my partners inhalers as he has a touch of asthma and starting blowing that into his mouth , He came around thank god .. I knew at this stage that I couldnt let him suffer like this but couldnt find it in my heart to let him go Then he got a few more of the really bad attacks and I did the same thing ,and he came around.